The Marketing Coup...

While CNN-IBN debated the imaginary (or IE would like to believe otherwise) coup, there has been a coup going on for years - the Marketing Coup... Would I be right when I say that the Indian male has been left hapless and proven to be extremely vulnerable to marketing attacks? I'll just prove my point below...

All of six years ago, all my closet had in the name of “Personal Grooming” was a small kit which contained a Head & Shoulders shampoo, an Old Spice Deo, a safety razor (the legendary ‘Red’ Vector Plus), a shaving brush and a Palmolive Shaving Cream (with 30% extra).

Then, about two years later, when I had got my first job (though I didn’t join is a different matter), I bought myself a Mach-3 – it had three blades as against my twin-blade Vector!!! I also added a Davidoff Cool Water though with extreme caution and reluctance. Little else changed.

Then, after I had got my first salary (just the internship, mind you), I bought myself an aftershave liquid – of course it was the age-old white bottle in a red pack – Old Spice – the music and the visual of that man surfing the waves was far too enticing for me to save my hard-earned money - and of course, Old Spice was the "Mark of a Man"...

All this while, it was just the bare-boned shaving accessories, a shampoo (the variant did not matter), a Deo for daily use and the perfume for those special occasions...

But a devil – some called it being ‘metro-sexual’ – was waiting in the closet – quite literally... And I didn’t quite stand a chance against the armies of multinationals wielding the new-age weapons of marketing...

Soon, a new Deo, this time a Lomani was added. I felt I needed a change sometimes from my strong Old Spice... And the barriers of self-control were broken...

Within no time, the Mach-3 got converted to the more expensive Mach-3 Turbo! I added another after shave splash – this time with the international flavour of Gillette. Later, when Gillette launched the after-shave lotion worth Rs.399 – I felt compelled to purchase that too – that it has the efficacy it promises is another matter but 399...!!! Suddenly, the 399 felt like worth it where just two months I didn’t even feel the need for it!

One day, suddenly feeling the urge, I decided to Google the best shave... and alas all my myths were shattered... Where I had thought my usual soap to be good enough for my face, I realised I needed a scrub before the shave “For Best Results”... And that was another Rs.199 down for the new Gillette Scrub... Suddenly exfoliation was as important as splashing water!! And of course, the shaving cream had to go... It was going to be Series Gel (and later Fusion Gel).

Then I discovered my favourite H&S had variants for different types of hair...!!! All this while, there were only two kinds I knew of – Washed and unwashed. So after some self-rationalising, I decided I had dry hair – and thus I needed a shampoo with higher quantity of conditioner – so the Smooth and Silky variant was added. Of course, for freshness, the Cool Menthol continued... And one day, my sister introduced me to the world of conditioners that were to be used after shampoo – and she convinced me to buy a Dove conditioner! Alas, soon I discovered that normal conditioners negated the anti-dandruff effects of the shampoo – I had to buy an H&S conditioner now! So now my closet has a Cool Menthol for those usual days, a Smooth & Silky for those days when I’ve been exposed to lot of dust and grime – and of course the latest addition – the S&S conditioner...

While all these years, I never had flaking skin (or did I not notice it). On further consultation (with my expert sister again), I was told I need a moisturiser for my face and limbs... So a moisturiser for the face and a different one for the limbs got added... And of course, my sister wouldn’t have anything to do with me telling that I didn’t need a sunscreen... One with SPF 15 it was, as apparently SPF 15-24 is recommended for daily use for my kind of field job!! Where, I was unaware of the term “SPF”, I was now using one...!!!

And suddenly one day, soap appears to be too “drying” on the skin – and hence a body wash suddenly finds its space on my shelf...

I’ve till now curbed my desire (or is it a need) to purchase the Olay for Men or the Garnier Men products – but I never know how long I’ll hold myself...

And now I wonder, has human skin (mine) changed so much in 6 years that where none of this was required or should I say in marketing parlance – needed – or more specific – “felt the need for” – suddenly the market is swelling with “beauty and grooming” products for men...!

Or the truth, Men just too gullible for the directed marketing activities of the multinationals and susceptible to the pressure of the kin (usually female) to “look and feel” better...

Damn, all this typing must have scarred my fingertips – I’m sure a new product is on the way...

Why I believe Anna Hazare is wrong in his means (and not the ends)...

At the outset, holding the democratic process to ransom through political blackmail is wrong. Going on fast-unto-death is illegal (equivalent to homicide) and any person indulging in it should be arrested – doesn’t matter if that person has the backing of a billion Indians (and the remaining million are only the “corrupt” law enforcement agencies).

Now coming to the issue of a Lokpal bill…

I would be going against popular sentiment but dare I say – WE DO NOT NEED A LOKPAL BILL – Neither the “Civil Society” version nor the government version. Here are my reasons for the same:

1. Too few cooks make poison not broth: Our constitution – the Raison d'être of all law agencies – is a brilliant piece of applied thought. It creates three bodies – the executive, the judiciary and the legislative – all of which are independent but completely dependent. What one does can be checked and annulled by the other through justified action. The problem arises when these come together – the exact thing that the Jan Lokpal proposes to do! Hand over power to one person/institution and make him absolute… to make law, decide violations and ensure execution - and what you have is a perfect broth - the only problem being that the recipe being perfect is of 'disaster'...


2. The RTI, the CVC, the CAG – all these are bodies designed to curb corruption – but do they work? So now we create another one – and then five years down the line – another one to supervise the Lokpal... When does it end! The problem is not existence of no control or supervision – its too many controls.


3. The reform process – if taken to its logical conclusion – will remove the necessity of any such bill. I wrote earlier about this – the reforms have created a less corrupt society already (imagine getting phone connections, paying electricity bills, paying taxes, getting a stamp paper without paying bribes even ten years earlier) – the corruption has been pushed up the ladder… Yes, I’m worried when my tax is gobbled up (supposedly) by corrupt (again, supposedly) ministers… But thankfully my day-to-day jobs have fewer hassles now. By slowly making more things transparent, the corruption will be pushed up the ladder – and then out! By adding the Lokpal – we just add a wrung to the ladder which the corruption can climb!

I’ll not go into the problems of the Jan Lokpal Bill – there are far too many that even a noob like me can see (for eg: the concentration of power, the selection panel, the age limits etc. etc.) because I know the end is justified – lesser corruption… In its current form the Jan Lokpal Bill is a situation where (as mentioned in a debate on TV) – If there is a theft in my house, I’ll worry about locking up my house later – I’ll first go to fast to force the commissioner to provide me more police force!!!

Now people say, OK you are just writing blogs – at least we are out here protesting against the government and their corrupt practices! Well I say, at least I’m doing my job right… In the last full year, I can vow to have never paid a bribe -no single rupee. How many of you can vouch for that? I agree I never voted. How many of you accept that? If not, did you or did you not vote for the “right” candidate from the local level right to the MP! We all expect our rights to be honoured but forget the duties that the constitution also mentions…!!!

I’m a firm believer in democracy – I’ve been part of School and college politics myself – no matter how much the elections were rigged – the best people, more often than not, get elected if everyone participates. So once the democratic process is set right, everything comes in place... Here are the electoral reforms I propose:

1. You want a strong Jan Lokpal Bill. Bring a strong “Vote Karo” bill. How about sentencing people who do not vote to 5 years rigorous imprisonment... would you be ready for that? How about giving a tax rebate to people who voted in the last general election?


2. Ok, I want to vote but who do I vote for... So ban people who have been convicted (not accused) of any law breaking/tax evasion from elections. Yes today very few will pass/fail, slowly more will... finally one day (probably 100 yrs from now) we’ll have an unblemished candidate list!


3. Use RTI more. You find some problem – please take the trouble of filing an RTI application. Instead of asking for more governance mechanisms, learn to use the ones that exist!


4. Our courts (and nationalised banks) work for less than half the year – how about extending that? Have more fast-track courts to settle small disputes in a speedy manner... You might not agree to it, the courts (including the lawyers and judges) are highly overburdened for now!!!

Of course, I’m no expert – just another “Aam Aadmi” who fails to see reason for using undemocratic coercive solutions for perfectly legitimate causes. And what is most of all, I do not want to put the blame of my lethargy on a weak system...!!!

Rest In Peace

The city ringed with fire, police bell
The city was picturesque, a living hell
Amidst this a drunkard lingered on
Life was long, endless night without a dawn…
Out of the shops, buildings was thrown he
Silent as the idol, looked on Thee
Laden with heavy armour, masked
Finally a policeman stopped, asked
“Don’t u want to return to house,
Seeking u are ur children, spouse?”

The drunkard put his hands in pocket
Tears rolled down his deep eye-socket
Out of his shirt, he took out some ash
Just then there was another splash
“This is my house”, he said, “my wife.”
“Burnt as you can see is my life.”
“Out of these my children call out.”
“Can’t u hear, feel them shout?”
I die. Do me a favour, will you?
Please cremate me, O please do!

O god! Please take me to them
Take me away from this mayhem.
This was one or many, no one knows
To tell the exact number, none too close
O leaders of religion, please wake
Life you know, is not a piece of cake
Some years of life we have on lease
Let us live, at least “REST IN PEACE”
Let us live, at least “REST IN PEACE”

Simple things...

It’s amazing how simple things mean so much more than elaborate arrangements. This, I write as I watch the clip of the “Saturnalia Miracle” over and over again (the iTunes count says 21) – reminiscing how, over the past one year, have I found joys in the most simple and unnoticed of gestures. A plain old simple hug means so much that it can surpass the combined value of all those baskets of goodies. A plain simple word would of goodwill, of love would mean so much more!!! The more I watch “The Big Bang Theory”, the more I feel, I’ve so much in common with Sheldon. I’ve always pondered over what to gift my friends on special occasions and often can’t come up with anything... How sheepishly I ponder over what gift is worthy of the feeling that I actually want to display. I never even know what to write on a greeting card – once I start writing, the words never stop coming – I could well write novels on that greeting card when all I wanted to say was “sorry” or a simple “thank you”.
PP
P.S.: The best dialogue of this episode (or in fact many many others)
Penny: He came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin’s dirty; he wiped his mouth with it
Sheldon: I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy
Penny: Ya, Ya, I guess. But look he’s signed it.
Sheldon: Do you realise what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
[I mean, WOW... Where does someone get an idea that geeky!!!]
Penny: Ok. All I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon

Finally, Indian Science Showcased...

Dear Blog,

Bored of studying for my exams, I reverted back to my first love... maths and numb3rs literally!!! Finished the season 5 (till date) in a marathon run... First of all, the last two episodes (s05e08 and s05e09) have references to India, though both in not-so-good contexts... the first it in the reference of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy and the second in a reference to a terrorist activity. But what is proven is that the world recognises the Indian presence much more than ever. In fact, as one of the main characters (though as an “American with Indian origins”), the show features Amita Ramanujan (Navi Rawat).

Two things here... One – Indian in a major role in the most popular Friday evening American TV Series and Two – named after one of the most prolific Indian mathematicians known (Srinivas Ramanujan. Ramanujan never won a Nobel Prize but a show to feature the lead sure does justice to the immense potential that was cruelly cut short 

by fate. Amita, born in a Tamil family represents the new-age Indian mathematical genius who, like Ramanujan, is exceptional in maths but also is representative of the famed modern Indian programming skills.

And the other TV series, though in a completely different genre, is “The Big Bang Theory”. It features Kunal Nayyar as “Rajesh”, one of the four geeks that form the lead roles in the series. Again, working at CalTech, Rajesh is a brilliant Physicist with roots still connected to India in the form of his parents. Rajesh, thus represents the Indian in US and not the American of Indian origin.

Point here, Indian abilities in science and maths have been here and now have started to get noticed... Not that India has produced a string of Nobel Laureates in recent past or anything... probably more because Indians are finally being given their due... Long live the breed of Aryabhatta...

Revelling in the pride of being an Indian..

PP

Images: Courtesy - Wikipedia